IT'S A BRAND NEW YEAR

It is 2012! Will the world end this year?? (According to the Mayans it will..but this is coming from a culture that did not even predict their own demise so take their call on the impending end of the world with a grain of salt!!)




Well the new year is always exciting for me because it represents a clean slate, a time to change things, try new things and embrace new journeys and adventures. It is also a time for new resolutions but I am not so much into the resolutions as I am into creating some short term and long term goals that I can actually accomplish in the time frame of the year. I have several NEW YEAR'S GOALS which I will share with you.




My Goals for the New Year are as follows:


1. Work on getting down to my pre pregnancy weight. This is not just a lose the weight quickly goal. This is a goal to get back to my fitness routine, my nutrition routine, and focus on my health and well being. Almost four years ago I lost over 176 pounds. And while many have said that is quite an accomplishment while I was pregnant I was freaked out by the weight gain ALOT.  And even though I only have to lose 30 pounds to get to my pre pregnancy weight it is still a long, hard road to get back on track. I am nowhere near as heavy as I was four years ago but I am in a weird size place right now--my maternity clothes swim on me, my pre- pregnancy clothes are still a bit tight, and some of the clothes I bought after the baby are starting to be big. Honestly when I say I have nothing to wear--I mean I have nothing to wear!!! But as I focus on taking care of me again,eating the way I should, excersising daily I am sure I can follow through and accomplish my goal.


2.  Blog regularly. When I began this blog it was to chronicle my pregnancy and life after with my Sweet Pea. However in my naivete (I had never had a child before!!) I failed to realize that once the Sweet Pea was actually here my life as I knew it was over!! I had such grand delusions of her napping and me blogging and chronicling our daily life in photos and witty wordplay on my blog. Epic fail on my part--I did not think of fussy baby, lack of sleep, crankiness, and the tornado of chaos this lil person caused!! She turned everything upside down and inside out and you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way!! But I am committed to getting my butt on the computer and blogging on a regular basis. It is such a wonderful outlet for me when I write and I need to commit to doing it everyday!




3. Make decisions regarding my career path and future. On Friday I found out my school will be closing or rather as the news reported it "merging" with another school. Problem here? I have no job to return to in September and teachers at the closing schools are being forced to resign and reapply for a position. That would be approximately 1600 people laid off competing for a handful of jobs. I am pretty much unemployed right now. To make matters worse several of the school districts are on hiring freezes or have done layoff themselves so the job opportunities in teaching in my area are slim to none. Which leads me to--What do I want to do now?? I have to make a career game plan. I need to decide where I want to go and what I want to do from here on out. Big decision. And while the unknown is scary to me, I do know that the only constant in life is CHANGE. This is a huge change for me and one I need to move forward with and experience and embrace the journey fully.


So those are three of my big goals for the year. I have others too that I will be discussing on here throughout the months but for now those are the three big ones I am focusing on. Of course my number one goal that supercedes all others is to be the best Mommy to my Sweet Pea!


Much luv!
Laura

Merry Christmas!

                                                              My Little Christmas Elf!


Wow! I can not believe that this weekend is Christmas already! The last time I posted was almost two months ago! EEK..sorry about that but my Lil Sweet Pea took a bit of time before establishing a workable routine. So I spent alot of my time trying to figure out how to be a good mom and care for my Lily-Anne in the best possible way.

I'll admit it..I am a total "Nervous Nellie" mom. I just want her to be healthy and happy but having never been a mother before I spent alot of time second guessing myself. Thank goodness hubby raised his two girls on his own so he is definitely able to offer me valuable insights and tips but at the end of the day it is me who is with her all day long. So I am trying to do my best each and every day. I am really enjoying it now and not second guessing everything all day long now too.

Lily-Anne is now three months old and we are gearing up for her very first Christmas. We are not going overboard though. Realistically she won't remember it and financially we are strapped. Hubby had lost his job back in October and just started to work again and my paid maternity leave ended as well. So we decided to do more keepsake type Christmas things for the Sweet Pea. We had her portrait done, we then had her picture taken with Santa, we bought her a Baby's first Christmas onesie and ornament. My father and step mom sent Lily-Anne her first Christmas dress and we bought her a Little Einsteins exersaucer. That is the extent of it. We will spend Christmas Eve with family and then Christmas Day we will attend church and then spend a quiet day at home.

 As excited as I am about Lily-Anne's first Christmas, I am also sad because things have been difficult for the last few months and it has taken a bit of a toll. I am looking forward to a fresh start in the new year. And to kick off the idea of a fresh start and new beginnings I have decided to cut my hair. Right now it is long --down to the middle of my back but I have decided to cut it into a just below the chin bob and donate my hair to Locks of Love. I am also looking forward to experiencing all of Lily-Anne's milestones this year.

So that is my holiday update! Hope everyone has a healthy and happy holiday!!

Much luv!
Laura

This Is Hard

Ahhh the joys of motherhood...there are many for sure. When I was pregnant I had dreams of my lovely Lil Sweet Pea cooing at me with her little cherubic face, holding her in my arms lovingly, singing sweet songs to her as she looked up with her big eyes and smiled at me....

This dream lasted right until we came home from the hospital and then REALITY set in. My sweet angel of a daughter went from a cherub to an absolute demon. Her sweet little coos were replaced by ear shattering screams, and the sleeping angel she was in the hospital has been replaced by an inexplicable confusion over days and nights.

Motherhood is hard. Now for the last ten years I have single- handedly run classrooms with upwards of thirty children, ran a pre-school class that had thirty four 3 and 4 year olds, worked with infants and toddlers, and handled all the stresses of being in a self contained second grade classroom where I taught everything from religion to gym and let me tell you, nothing...absolutely NOTHING I have encountered or dealt with in the last ten plus years has been as hard or as rewarding as this past month.

Motherhood is so much more than I thought it would be. It is 90 % sheer hard work...and 10 % absolute joy on a level I could never imagine. It is the 10% that makes it so worth it.

I have to keep that in mind because I am literally running on fumes right now. I have been going 24/7 with my sweet pea since we came home. She eats every two hours and does not miss a feeding! Everyone says sleep when she sleeps, however, my angel takes almost 45 minutes to eat and then more time to fall back to sleep which leaves maybe if I am lucky an hour to lay down before she is up again...MAYBE.

Tired is an understatement. Why isn't hubby helping you may be wondering?? Ahhhh he was until he wound up in the hospital for over a week with a seriously scary case of Cellulitis on his leg. He is slowly but surely recovering...but pretty is knocked out at night since his job is so physical and he has to work. So Mommy is exhausted needless to say.

But my Lily-Anne is so worth it everyday. When she gives me that one little smile or giggles or coos at me all is good. Exhaustion melts away and I am content. Motherhood is so much harder than I ever thought it would be but it is so much more joyful than I ever thought imaginable!

Much luv!
Laura

THE SWEET PEA HAS ARRIVED!!!

So sorry for the non-posting over the past month. I kind of left y'all with a bit of a cliffhanger there didn't I??

Well needless to say my Lil Sweet Pea arrived on September 16th at 4:55 pm--Lily-Anne Catherine at 6lbs and 6 oz...my Lil bundle of joy!

There's my girl!

I went in on the 15th of September to be induced and by Friday afternoon very little progress had been made. Then all of sudden everything stopped. My Lil Sweet Pea got halfway down the birth canal and stopped. The contractions stopped, her heart rate plummeted and my heart rate skyrocketed --so it was off to the OR for an emergency C-Section. Where my Miss Lily was born!

I am in love -absolute love with my little miracle baby. But she has kept me busy!! She keeps me going 24/7 LOL...but I did want to post and let y'all know we are doing fine!

Hopefully now that things have settled down a bit I can get back to posting more regularly! Still recovering from the C-Section, and hubby is now recovering from a week in the hospital with Cellulitis so it has been a bit crazy here...but things seem to be settling down and I can grab a few moments to write again!!

Will post again soon!!!

Much luv!

Laura

Nearing the End

So the last days of my pregnancy are upon me. I thought I would sail smoothly through these last weeks (days??) but alas, the Lil Sweet Pea had other ideas.

On Friday, I went in for my routine weekly appointment and Non Stress Test. The nurse takes my blood pressure and it is high. But she doesn't seem too worried and just tells me she will take it again when I am in the exam room. Okay, I think, no big deal. My blood pressure has been perfect throughout the entire pregnancy. I was not even alarmed in the least.

So I am in the exam room, all hooked up to  the machine for the Non Stress Test and the nurse takes my blood pressure again--still high. Hmmm, I think, that is weird. The nurse leaves and the Doctor comes in and checks me--I am 1 cm dilated and starting to have itty bitty contractions. Woo Hoo! I think to myself, We are making progress!!! I am excited because I for a brief millisecond of time believe labor is imminent and that I will be holding the Sweet Pea in my arms soon! But alas, that is not how it goes.

The doctor looks at my chart and says "Your blood pressure is a bit too high for my liking. I am sending you over to the hospital to labor and delivery and they are going to run some labs, give you an ultrasound, and another Non Stress Test. I'll stop by to check on you later." My head is spinning and all I can think is "What? What just happened??"

But I call the hubby and he has to drive 45 minutes from his work to meet me at the hospital. By the time he gets there I am already in a room and hooked up to the monitor. I have had blood drawn. I am waiting to go for an ultrasound to make sure the fluid in the sac is still good and the baby is okay. I am officially freaking out. I am also officially starving. All I had eaten before I went to my appointment was my cereal and my ice water. I have now been in the hospital for HOURS and they won't let me eat because they do not know if they are going to have to induce labor. Oh sheer torture for me who needs to eat a little something every two hours or I completely crash. Let me tell you--I was crashing and burning. I arrived at the hospital at 10:30 a.m. and it was now pushing 3:00 pm. Let's just say I was not a happy camper and leave the ugliness out of it!

Finally get taken to the ultrasound and the Lil Sweet Pea looks good. Fluid is still great. Little one is active and approximately 6 pounds now! It was so neat to see the baby so big and well formed. Our other ultrasound had been at about 15 weeks and the sweet pea really didn't look so baby like! But now --Oh dear lord I cried seeing that little one on the screen. My little miracle baby!

Go back to the room and the doctor comes and tells me the labs look good my pressure has dropped and they are going to let me go home. However, now I am on bed rest. Oh. No. I have to spend the weekend laying down on my left side. On Monday I will return to the office and they will decide whether to admit me and induce labor or let nature take its course.

So today, I went back to the doctor. After laying in bed all weekend--blood pressure looked good, baby is doing well, contractions are still happening, cervix is softer. So pending the results of my 24 hour urine test we will decide whether or not I am to be induced or if we are just going to let nature take its course. I am however, on modified bed rest for the duration--no lifting, no walking too much, no housework, just lots of laying on left side and relaxing. So that is what I am doing!!

It looks like the Sweet Pea's arrival just may be sooner than expected!!!

Much luv!
Laura

GRRRR ARRRG

Blogger why do you hate me so????? Why is that every single freaking time I want to comment on someones blog or ask a question you will NOT post my freaking comment!!!!!????????????

Stop telling me I need to sign in--I am signed in!!!!!! ARRRRRG...I am telling you...if this doesn't get resolved soon..I am jumping ship and heading over to Wordpress...this is ridiculous!! I can't even express thanks to the people who comment on my blog!!! ARRG So FRUSTRATED!!!!

Pregnancy Makes You Feel Left Out

I have to preface this blog entry by saying that I have enjoyed being pregnant immensely and the past 9 months have flown by rather quickly. But I am approximately 38 weeks now and pregnancy is not quite as fun or as cute as it was a few months back.

I don't want to be a "Debbie Downer" but really in the past week or so things have gotten incredibly uncomfortable, nothing fits comfortably anymore, my back is killing me, my bladder is staging a mutiny, and sleep is basically me flipping from one side to the other and rearranging the pillows all night long. I no longer walk, or even waddle in the cute way I was a few weeks ago..now I lumber like Godzilla...it ain't attractive. My hair is tri colored--meaning I have not been able to dye it in 9 months and now it is a lovely shade of GRAY, BLACK, and Brownish...I look like hell.Oh and I am a bit more cranky than usual (okay a hell of a lot more cranky!) and I am at the point where as terrified of labor as I am, I would like to just have the baby now.

And on top of all these lovely things I am emotional as hell. Thus the title of this post. I feel incredibly left out. I can't do anything anymore. Its a struggle just to walk around our mall and our mall is TINY!!! UGGG...but on top of all this, hubby and the teenager joined Karate.

I always wanted to try martial arts. I am feeling very left out because obviously I cannot join now and will not be able to join anything like that for several weeks after the baby is born. (And in all honesty--am I going to be able to do it then anyways?? I think I am going to be preoccupied with a newborn...) But anyways, the crux here is that I ALWAYS wanted to learn it and the hubby knew that and he joined with out me and then of course the teenager thought it sounded cool so she joined up two days later. Now it is all they talk about. And it makes me mad. I can't do a darn thing and they are out there three days a week learning all this cool stuff while I am stuck at home feeling like a fat slug. I admit it --I am jealous and it makes me feel awful. I hate feeling left out.

Hubby said I should definitely join after I am cleared for activity after the baby comes. But by that time hubby will be months ahead of me and I know I will feel like I am always trying to catch up to his level. Not a confidence booster for me. Then hubby says "...and it takes a lot of focus and you get frustrated very easily." Ohhhhhhhhh....great in other words 'maybe you shouldn't try it'....

So feeling left out and feeling like a slug not a good combination. So now I want to find something I can do for myself, that will make me feel good, and give me some time out of the house once the baby arrives. Because I know that I need to take care of me as well as taking care of the baby. I just don't know what I want to try...But I know I have to find something I will enjoy because otherwise I will just continue to feel left out and upset. And I so do not want that to be the case.

So I am off to research post pregnancy activities I can take up after the Sweet Pea arrives!!

Much luv!!
Laura